dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
