Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Welp...herpes.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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