Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
God I need to hump something, right now.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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