that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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