roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
