i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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