Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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