If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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