Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
