You made me cry and you don't even care
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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