I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
