There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
