what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
