He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
