I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Randomize
