im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
