Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
