Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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