Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
