did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
