just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize