history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize