how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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