she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
