Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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