and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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