I checked into jail on foursquare
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
