i don't like sucking hair
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
