I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
