I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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