ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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