I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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