Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We need to rekindle our bromance
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
These tits shall not be calmed
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
