Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
