I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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