I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
