Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
