Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize