New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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