The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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