im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
