the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
