he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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