My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
