Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
