so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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