I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize