Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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