After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
