In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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