Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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