This girl is more easily done than said...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
