I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
