And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
