all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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