break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize