the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
