chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
