remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
