Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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