Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
