She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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