It's Friday. Sex?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
