In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
