did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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