a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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