My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize