if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
